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The Short Vort- -“ May I Have This Dance?” (8/20/10)
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Friday the 10th of Elul 5770 and August 20, 2010
Candle Lighting in Passaic, NJ- 7:29 pm
May I Have This Dance?
The other night I attended a Chasunah; Mazel Tov and Simchos by all.
When I was younger (read: almost thirty years ago when I was getting married) people were strange.
People went to weddings to be M’Sameach (to celebrate and ‘make happy’) the Chosson (groom) and the Kallah (bride).
Meaning, there was one large circle and the center of the dancing was the Chosson – on the men’s side- and the Kallah- on the women’s side.
Everyone was content to be part of one large circle which surrounded the Chosson and Kallah respectively.
However, that was the way it was.
Nowadays at most weddings, it has become a three ring circus.
There is the Chosson’s circle which is made up of his yeshiva friends; then there is the ‘shver’s circle- which is made up of the father in law of the Chosson and his friends; then there is the father’s circle- which is made up of the father of the Chosson and his friends.
Last night there were four circles!
I did not inquire as to why there were four; however, with so many second marriages out there, it should not be hard to figure it out.
Soon we should begin to see more and more ‘private circles’ at weddings.
You will see one circle for the biological father and his friends; one for the step father and his friends; one for the biological schver; one for the step- schver and his friends!
Very soon you will receive a playbill when you enter the Chasunah. It will say,
· “Tonight’s Chasunah is a co-production of the Greenberg- Goldstein- Cohen- Levi families.
· Circle number one will be on the south side of the room and feature as the main attraction, Mr. Greenberg, the adopted father in law of the Kallah.
· Circle number two will be on the north side of the hall and feature Mr. Goldstein the biological father of the Chosson…..”
Obviously, there are endless money making possibilities in this new phenomenon.
Halls will begin to advertise the following features:
· “Come to Ateres Yankel and Beryl-
· We have a dance floor which can accommodate six parallel circles!
· In our hall – you can dance with your friends and never even have to look at your Mechutan!
· Separate dance floors available for those that need privacy!
· Special attention given to multiple circles;
· We even can change the niggun based on each circles preference!”
Why has this occurred? After all, is not the mitzvah to be m’sameach Choson V’kallah and is there even a mitzvah to be m’sameach schver v’schvigger?
If there is not a specific mitzvah to rejoice with the schver and the shvigger, why then is this being done?
Why has this phenomenon developed?
Basically the answer is two sides of the same condition; egotism.
We live in a time of unchecked egotism.
For the father or father in law of the Chosson and Kallah, there is the feeling, “Hey, I am paying for this party, why should I be second fiddle to anyone else?”
For the friends of the father and father in law, there are similar feelings; “Why should I dance with this kiddy circle of twenty year olds? I came here to be seen, not to be some invisible participant. Let’s grab my friend, the father in law of the Chosson and let’s make our own circle where in we can shine and be seen.”
I know I cannot change the current movement in Chasunah dancing, and there are certain advantages to it; however, I kind of miss the old times.
The times when all Jews- no matter how old they were and no matter which side they were there from-all joined hands and danced together around the Chosson and the Kallah.
Chazal have taught us that one of the best ways to win out in the judgment which is looming over our heads in three weeks is to be part of the klal- to be a part of the larger circle.
Maybe we should start with the way we rejoice at our weddings.
Maybe, just maybe it would help heal the fractionalization which plagues our people.