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The Short Vort- -“If you see something, (don’t always) say something” (8/10/10)
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Tuesday the 30th of Menachem Av 5770 and August 10, 2010
If you see something, (don’t always) say something
Many of us have no doubt heard the security phrase, “If you see something, say something”.
Indeed as the media reported with regard to the Times Square bomber: “After he became a hero, vendor Lance Orton advised his fellow New Yorkers to follow the principle that prompted him to alert police to the car bomb in Square. “If you see something, say something," he said.”
As one newspaper remarked about the now national slogan, “The phrase kept spreading over the years, generating 159 million mentions on Google, imprinting itself on the psyches of even more individuals.”
The necessity of abiding by the dictum of “If you see something, say something”, is something which is self-compelling.
However, as with all good advice, just as critical as knowing ‘what’ to do, is to know ‘when’ to do it.
Therefore, today we suggest the flipside of the phrase; namely, “If you see something, please do not say something!”
What prompted me to write this today is the following incident.
Yesterday, I was at the doctor’s office for a follow up visit from last week’s bout with whatever. As I sitting in the waiting room minding my own business- while simultaneously minding everyone else’s as well- the following incident occurred.
A woman walked into the waiting room and immediately recognized another woman who was already there with her daughter.
The woman – who we will refer to as Sorah, came to sit down next to her friend and her daughter. We will call them mom and daughter (isn’t that creative?).
Sorah sits down and says to mom, “How are you? You look so nice today. Is that your daughter? She got so big.”
Sorah now turns to daughter and says, “hi there, do you remember me? I remember you when you were just a baby, you look so big now!”
The little girl- who must have been between 4 and 6 years old- looked back at Sorah and without missing a beat asked, “Why are you so big?”
At this point there was a pregnant pause in the room as it seemed all eyes were removed from ‘People’ magazine and were focused on the elephantine girth of poor Sorah.
Mom attempted to diffuse the tension by saying something innocuous and began commenting on the weather. However, the damage was done and Sorah had no where to hide her mortification similarly as she could not conceal her corpulent carcass.
Thankfully, soon after I was called into the doctor’s office so I missed the next installment of Sorah and mom; however, the lesson of the encounter was not lost on me.
As a person who was has struggled with weight issues most of my life, I can tell you that these comments are in no way limited to five year old girls in doctor’s offices.
I cannot tell you how many times –when I was hefty and stout- I would meet someone at a chasunah who had not seen me for a few years.
Obviously a few pounds were added to the account in those years, and the fellow would say, “What happened to you? You know you really should lost weight, it is so unhealthy”.
When someone would say that- especially someone who I had not spoken to for a few years nor was I (nor do I plan to be) close to - I would respond in the following way:
Him-
“What happened to you? You are so heavy. You know you really should lost weight, it is so unhealthy”.
Me-
“What, me overweight?
Wow, thank you so much for telling me that.
You know I knew I have not felt quite right for the last few years, however, I could not figure out exactly why.
Thank Hashem, I met you here tonight.
No one and I mean no one; not my wife, not my children, not my best friends, not my doctor; absolutely no one has ever made the observation and the suggestion you did.
I cannot tell you how fortuitous it is for me that I ran into you tonight.
Thank you so much!”
And this malady of “If you see something, say something”, is not just happening with regard to weight. It crosses all boundaries.
A young man who is thirty five comes to Passaic for Shabbos after being away from the community for a few years. He meets Chaim in shul on Friday night. What is the first thing Chaim says? “Hey Yankel you married yet? You know you really better get married already; after all time is going by. What are you waiting for?”
What should Yankel say? “Hey Chaim, thank you so much for such good and important advice. You really made me feel welcomed here in the shul and I feel much better about not being married now as well”.
Friends we can go on and on.
However, I think you get the point.
If you see something, please don’t always say something!