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The Short Vort- -“ When More is More and Less is Less” (8/9/10)
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Monday the 29th of Menachem Av 5770 and August 9, 2010
When More is More and Less is Less
We are all familiar with the expression that ‘less is more’.
Indeed, often this is the case.
For instance, if the Rebbe asks you, “Yankel, who broke the Luchos (Tablets)?”- and you do not know the answer; do not say, “Rebbe, I swear, it was an accident!”
You should just have answered, “Rebbe, I do not know”.
Here is where ‘less (said) is ‘more’.
I would say that in the majority of cases, the lease possible words needed to answer a question is always ‘more’ than a lengthy and verbose answer which is ‘less’ to the point.
Especially when dealing with divulging information about others or yourself- less is usually more.
When you are dating your potential wife, there is no reason to tell her that you were suspended in sixth grade for throwing spit balls at the Rebbe.
Once again, the ‘less’ said about your past, will allow you to build ‘more’ in the relationship.
However, as important it is to know your ‘rules of thumb’, we cannot forget as the holy wikipedia teaches us: “A rule of thumb is a principle with broad application that is not intended to be strictly accurate or reliable for every situation.”
So too, with regard to with dealing bein adom l’chaveiro (interpersonal relationships), although, usually ‘less is more’; however, never forger that sometimes ‘more is still more’.
The other day I learned the lesson of ‘more is sometimes more and less is indeed less’.
I was at a Simcha seated at a table.
I was seated between two men minding my own business when the son of one of the men approached and wanted to sit next to his father.
Being that both seats next to his father were taken, the son had no choice but to sit across from the father about four seats away.
When I noticed this, I offered to switch seats with the boy, allowing him to sit next to his father and I would move to the empty seat.
The father thought about it and answered, “No, we are fine, no reason to make everyone move.”
The father was serious and sincere in not wanting to disturb anyone by making them change seats- he took the approach that ‘less is more’.
Meaning, the less said here and less asked for- is ‘more’.
However, as the meal progressed it soon became apparent to me that ‘less was less’!
The boy kept attempting to engage his father in conversation and the father – being a good father- conversed with the son as well.
Since the father and son were four seats apart, my head was soon spinning and my meal was indeed disturbed as all I could hear was the father yelling in my ear as he attempted to talk to his son.
At this point I told the son, ‘Hey lets switch seats and you can sit next to your father”-which he did in a second.
Often people come over to us and ask us favors such as can we switch seats on an airplane or can we watch their car when they go on vacation or if they can sleep over at our home.
People are incorrectly quiet and acquiesce to a situation which they really do not want to be in. However, as opposed to saying what’s on their mind, they say nothing or just mumble their agreement.
If you feel you cannot watch your neighbor’s car for the weekend then ‘just say no’.
The worst thing is to just nod and then resent them for the rest of your life because you feel you were taken advantage of.
No one can say ‘yes’ to every favor being asked of them.
Of course by the same token no one should ‘no’ to every favor being asked as well.
Obviously we all need to strike a balance.
However, the lack of a proper expression of your feelings - leads to a heartless agreement to a situation which in the end will always cause more issues than less.
If the man when I offered to switch seats would have said, “Yes, that would be better and appreciated”, future resentment would have been avoided.
Therefore, although many times ‘less is more’, do not forget that sometimes- ‘more is more’ as well.