The Short Vort
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The Short Vort- -“Once More at the Grocery” (7/29/10)
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Erev Shabbos Parshas Eikev 5770 and July 29, 2010
Candle Lighting in Passaic, NJ- 7:56 pm
Once More at the Grocery
To My Beloved Children,
Many of my devoted fans were upset that I made fun of the usage of cell phones while people shop.
A number of you pointed out (correctly) that when some people (read: husbands) shop and have access to a cell phone, then that is a great assetto Shalom Bayis.
Indeed, this way the wife is assured of getting exactly what she asked for.
Therefore, many of you wondered why I was so against cell phones and shopping.
Well let me tell you youngsters a thing or two about Shalom Bayis.
When I was first married back in the early 80’s I used to go shopping every Friday.
And you know what? I never had a cell phone!
And look at your mother and me; we are happily married for almost thirty years and for the first ten years we never had a cell phone!
Let me tell you how it was going shopping in the pre-cellular age.
I went to the grocery and I carried a hand written list written with a fountain pen!
Now, I know what you are thinking, “What happened when you bought the wrong item? Wasn’t that a cause for a Shalom Bayis problem?”
No and No! In fact, just the opposite; the lack of a cell actually assisted your mother and I in our Shalom Bayis.
Allow me to illustrate: the first time your mother wrote on the list “cherry/tomatoes”, I figured she meant I had a choice; either I could buy cherries, or I could buy tomatoes.
Well, guess what? I chose the first choice, cherries. What happened? Nothing at all, I just ate a great new sandwich for the next week: tuna, with lettuce and cherries!
Am I even one iota unhealthier for eating this new exotic sandwich? Just the opposite, it was very healthy and I learned the middah (character trait) of vatranus (giving in and making do with what you have).
The absence of the cell phone also allowed me to develop the middah of savlanus (patience).
I recall once, that the list stated that I was to buy parchment paper. I must admit, it seemed strange that your mother would need klaf (parchment) in the kitchen; however, a list is a list.
After the supermarket off I went to Boro Park and to a sofer (scribe) to purchase a piece of parchment.
It was only after arriving home two hours later did I realize my mistake.
Well guess what? I got into the car and I drove all the way back to Brooklyn!
It was trying; however, it helped me build up my trait of patience!
Of course there was the time I was asked to buy ‘soup-nuts’ and I brought home a can of soup and a pound of nuts and mixed them together. However, all in all we made do.
I even came to know the truth of Chazal (our sages) when they said “Chochma B’Goyim Taamin” (you should believe that there is inherent wisdom among the non-Jewish nations).
It was freezing cold and there was a blizzard blowing. I unfortunately bought plum tomatoes instead of pear tomatoes. Although I was convinced that the difference was miniscule, nevertheless, your mother was quick to point out how the difference could lead to World War Three. I quickly re-bundled up and off I went back to the store to exchange my plum tomatoes for the correct pear tomatoes.
The man at the fruit department, said, “I guess your wife did not want plum tomatoes and she sent you out to exchange them for pear tomatoes”
I looked at him incredulously and asked, “Hey, how do you know I am married?”
He looked at me and said, “Well, there is no way your mother would ever send you out on a night like tonight- just to exchange tomatoes!”
Therefore, my dear children, as you can no doubt see, there was much to be gained from shopping in the pre-cellular era.
All my love,
Ta