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The Short Vort- -“Dear Kids….” (7/27/10)
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Tuesday the 16th of Menachem-Av 5770; July 27, 2010
Dear Kids….
Dear Kids,
I know you will not believe most of what I am writing in this letter, however, let me assure that everything I write is true.
You may be wondering what ticked me off to cause me to write this letter.
Allow me to fill you in.
The other day I wondered into Kosher Konnection to buy a few things.
As I walked in- one man ran over to me and said, “Rabbi Eisenman, what are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.”
I did not know why he said this; however, I have some suspicions as to what he meant.
As I entered the store I quickly noticed that everyone in the store was talking on their cell phone.
Indeed, I was looking around for a sign which must be somewhere which states: “Absolutely no shopping without simultaneously conversing on your cell phone. All violators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law!”
One fellow who obviously did not have a cell phone became so scared, he took out his wallet and held it unfolded up to his ear in order to attempt to fit in.
His ruse was quickly caught by the cellular surveillance security system and he was ‘escorted’ by force from the store. As he was being dragged from the store he screamed that he really has a cell phone and he just left it at home. However, his protests were in vain as the security forces deposited him on the sidewalk and warned him never to return without his cell phone!
Obviously, this is what I was being warned about. I quickly pulled out my cell phone and began to recite Tehillim before I was tossed from the store!
Therefore, my dear children, the first lesson I want you to remember is, “we did shop before there were cell phones in the world”.
I know you will find this difficult to accept, however, believe me it is true. We shopped and even drove in the car without a phone.
The second thing I must tell you is that (and please sit down before you keep reading, however, I am telling the truth) - THERE WAS INTELLIGENT LIFE BEFORE ‘GOOGLE’!
I know this is difficult for you to accept. However, when I was growing up, ‘google’ was something you did to calm down a baby if he/she was crying too much.
You said to the baby, “please calm down” and the baby would answer, “goo, goo”.
The entire interaction was known as ‘googling’.
Ay, you will ask what we did when we had to find the answer to a question.
We either read books, (I hope you still know what these are) - or we did without.
Yes, imagine that.
We did without; and you know what? We were no worse for it!
There are many more things I must tell you about how life was before the ‘civilized age”; however, enough has been said for today.
I want you to know these things so if anyone in the future ever denies the fact that people at one time shopped without calling home every two minutes and that people actually used real encyclopedias- you will know the truth.
Oh, my cell phone is ringing. Gotta go…
Email me back when you have a minute.
Love, Ta