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The Short Vort- -“ River, Bird, Kettle” (6/29/10)
The Short Vort
Good Morning!
Today is Tuesday the 17th of Tammuz 5770 and June 29, 2010
River, Bird, Kettle
"There are three ‘Shlomos’ (three expressions of peace): a river, a bird, and a kettle."
(Brachot 56b)
This is one of the most enigmatic statements in the Talmud.
Why is a ‘river a bird and a kettle’ symbolic of peace?
The word peace-Shalom- is open to different interpretations and views.
The Talmud is stating here that there are three different alternatives as to what peace can mean.
1-The Peace of the Kettle
A kettle is used to boil water for tea; hence the phrase, ‘tea kettle’.
The person who desires a cup of tea has a problem. How does he bring these two arch-enemies, fire and water together in order for them to work together so he can enjoy his cup of tea?
If the water gets its way, then the fire will be no more; on the other hand, if the fire gets its way, it will never get close to the water.
Along comes the kettle and makes peace between the two.
The kettle is a physical barrier which allows the heat of the fire to work its magic on the water without allowing the water to extinguish the fire.
The peace is achieved by creating a wall between the two opposing forces. Only when the wall is in place is there a possibility of cooperation and of a workable relationship between the fire and the water.
This is the most elementary of peaceful situations. Each party is able to work with its partner precisely because they are kept at distance from one another.
2-The Peace of the Bird
The second level of peaceful existence is symbolized by the bird(s).
Did you ever watch birds when they fly in formation?
They always fly in a ‘V’ formation. Why is that?
According to the Library of Congress:
Why do geese fly in a V? Scientists have determined that the V-shaped formation that geese use when migrating serves two important purposes:
First, it conserves their energy. Each bird flies slightly above the bird in front of him, resulting in a reduction of wind resistance. The birds take turns being in the front, falling back when they get tired. In this way, the geese can fly for a long time before they must stop for rest. The authors of a 2001 Nature article stated that pelicans that fly alone beat their wings more frequently and have higher heart rates than those that fly in formation. It follows that birds that fly in formation glide more often and reduce energy expenditure (Weimerskirch, 2001).
The second benefit to the V formation is that it is easy to keep track of every bird in the group. Flying in formation may assist with the communication and coordination within the group. Fighter pilots often use this formation for the same reason.
What do we see from here with regard to peace?
The birds have a much greater level of cooperation and of peaceful coexistence than the water and the fire. Indeed, they fly together and communicate and work together. Nevertheless, although they work and fly together, each bird is still recognizable within the group and retains his individual identity.
This is the second type of peace. A peace built on cooperation and the participation of the members in a cohesive confederacy. However, each party in the union continues to maintain its independence.
There is sense of togetherness; however, there is still a sense of individuality.
3-The Peace of the River
The third and perhaps the highest level of peaceful existence is the peace of the river.
A river is composed of millions and billions of individual drops of water. However, once the individual drops join forces in the river, they completely and absolutely forfeit their individuality and become a new unit wherein each droplet is no longer even recognizable.
Their sense of unity and togetherness is so strong that they lose their former identity and become a new unit- they are no longer called a group of water drops- rather; they are now called a river.
This level of peace –which in many ways is the most sophisticated of the three-, is characterized by the individual agreeing to shed his individuality for the good of the unit.
The three aspects of peace
These three aspects of peace are very important in all of our relationships, particularly in our marriages.
The key of course is to know when to apply each one of these.
Meaning, it is a fallacy to assume that once a couple has been married they become one unit and completely forfeit their individuality as in the peace of the river. Rather, the husband and the wife still sometimes need their own ‘space’.
However, it is equally foolish to assume that a couple should be satisfied with the peace of the kettle and constantly need a partition between them.
Truth be told a good marriage must contain all three of the above mentioned aspects of peace.
A husband and wife still need ‘their own space’. A wife or husband who attempts to always be with their spouse will smother that spouse.
Everyone needs sometimes a little partition between them and everyone else. The recognition of this human need for ‘space’ and privacy is part and parcel of a good peaceful relationship. This is when the peace of the kettle is called for.
Obviously a husband and wife must work together as well. However, even then, when they do ‘fly together’ in formation, they do not lose their individuality.
A family must have a sense of consensus as to the running of the home; however, there is still room for individuality and recognition of each and every person on their own.
The Shabbos table must run smoothly and with a sense of togetherness, however, that togetherness does not preclude each party from having their own creativity at the table. At times like this, one must recall the peace of the bird.
The final and perhaps the highest form of peace is when the husband and the wife speak with one voice and act with one cause. This is the peace of the river; wherein each party sacrifices their own individuality for the sake of a common good.
Often in a good marriage, this manifests itself with regard to the children. The husband and wife may initially have different views of discipline and of child rearing. However, once they join together, they speak with one voice and with one heart and the children hear the exact same message from both father and mother and they cannot even recognize one from the other.
All of these aspects of peace are necessary components for any successful marriage; think about this and you will see how true it is.
The key of course is to Daven to Hashem to have the wisdom to know when to utilize which of the three and when.
Have a ‘peaceful’ day and a peaceful marriage!